People generally don't survive The Race, as it comes to be called, as everyone else is too busy trying to kill each other or being killed by the army of ninja referees. Yes, the ninjas are only there to monitor the race and be the master assholes of the whole thing. No, Don't ask me why there are ninjas.
There are rules, but there are not really rules. It's kind of like the Hunger Games but it's also not (It never once makes you want to cry, raise a Mocking Jay salute, or stalk Jennifer Lawrence. You know, until your eyes are red and you've figure out her dog has a twitter account. It's @pippilawrence).
Whoever felt this way obviously wanted a competition that was less pretentious than the Olympics and didn't care about silly things like rules or points. There is only one measure of success in the challenging gauntlet that is so central to the movie, and that is to survive. Seems reasonable.
And even then, not once did I blink an eye or doubt that men's gymnastics and Karate could truly combine into the ultimate martial arts form. It's in this galloping stream of consciousness that we're exposed to big ass birds and a geopolitical thriller full of equal parts action and anti-American sentiment that is too self-conscious to base itself off of a real country, so we get Fake-a-Stan.Our lead, real life gymnast Kurt Thomas, helps blur reality and fiction further and supports my theory that everyone is a better actor than Ryan Reynolds. The medal studded all American pulls off a convincing enough performance to have us question our lucidity for other reasons such as "why does a random guy sever off his own hand?"
Or, "is that Richard Gere?" --------------------------------------------------------------------
 |  |
|---|
But I digress. There is some sort of cold war drama playing out in the background of Gymkata, I'm just not sure what it is. I heard something about satellites and nuclear deterrence but I was undeniably distracted by an older man clapping a younger man's feet together.I wanted more babes, more gymnastics, definitely female gymnasts, and an ending that wasn't a freeze frame with text summarizing the rest of the movie. WTF man? The producers couldn't afford 60 more seconds?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gymkata needs to be re-done because it's a solid idea. I give it 3 Roberts out of 5.
